What would cause a person to become a “good person”, who avoids conflict.  My friend shared that he feared conflict.  When asked what he meant by this, his fear during conflict meant being rejected and unloved.   His father was a very hard worker.  When his father was in the home there was an expectation of peace. His father drank 4 to 6 beers before falling asleep on the couch.  If there was to much noise in the living room, his father would wake up long enough to yell at his kids to shut up.   This happened almost every evening when his father was home.

This friend spoke about the emotional and physical abuse when he was a child.  When asked how he coped with the abuse, my friend responded, “I became a good boy.”  He thought that by being a good boy would prevent his father from becoming angry.  My friend said that he believed, as a child, that he was responsible for his father’s angry reactions.  Looking back to his father’s reactions, no matter how good he attempted to be,  his father’s disappointment emerged with anger outbursts.

Attempting to be a good boy turned into a dutiful attempt to find hope in a difficult relationship.  My friend always hoped that his father would offer patience, kindness, and support, which never took place.  In his attempt to be a good boy created a difficult situation.  No matter how good my friend attempted to be, he began to believe that he wasn’t good enough for people to care about him.  This belief didn’t make him stop his attempts from being good enough.  Driven by a life of doubt, he wondered what he could do to find hope for someone to care about him.

The dutiful life of being good enough never found fulfillment in my friends life.  What he discovered that changed his life came from an understanding that he is loved and cared for because of who he is. To serve others is the greatest gift he possess.  Where did he learn about this love he always longed to know?  He learned about this love from friends and a deepening understanding of Christ’s love for his heart.