It was a beautiful summer day, the warmth of the air pushed the family inside while rotisserie chicken baked on the barbecue.  Sam’s (who was seven) grandparents came to visit from Oklahoma.  Older in age they rested on the couch in the comfort of cool air.  Sam’s dad said, “Sam go out and check to make sure the briquettes are hot.”  Sam was compliant following his dad’s command.  Sam went out the back door then down 7 concrete step leading to the patio where the barbecue stood still.  Looking at the briquettes noticing they were partially ash gray but mostly tomcat black.  Not really knowing what to do, yet observing what his dad did, Sam picked up a can of charcoal lighter fluid and decided to spray ignitable fluid on the briquettes.  With poor accuracy, Sam spayed the briquettes along with the chicken. His dad stepped out the back door noticing what Sam was doing.  In a fit of rage the dad yelled, “you ruined the chicken!”  Immediately following these words, the father picked Sam up by his shirt into the air and pounded Sam’s bottom with fury.  After putting Sam down the father continued saying, “You are going to bed with out any dinner.” Crying, Sam walked up the stairs into the house while cupping his hands in front of his face hiding sadness from his grandparents.  After he made his way into the bedroom Sam cried himself to sleep.

What didn’t happen that mattered to this little boy? Compassionate guidance during a time of learning.  Sam didn’t understand that he was doing something wrong.  Sam was inexperienced, not intentionally doing something to make his dad angry.  Often children make messes, spill, or break items more often than not because of undeveloped skills.  When a child attempts to do something for the first time, something will be flubbed.  The more experience under their belt the more skilled they become.  Sam’s dad could have approached Sam with a learning opportunity. “Sam, I just saw you spray lighter fluid on the chicken.  Do you know what this does to the Chicken?”  Sam, “no dad.”  “Son, help me out here.  Let’s take the chicken off the barbecue.”  Sam helps his dad do this.  Dad said, “Sam we are going to pile the briquettes into a pile, they are hot, so we will use a trowel to move them, don’t ever do this without my support.  Now, we will put lighter fluid on the pile of briquettes. Dad holds the lighter fluid while Sam squeezes the can spaying fluid on the briquettes.  After the pile is lit, Dad invites Sam to place chicken on the skewer.  Once the briquettes are hot, and chicken is cooking, Dad thanked Sam for the help, while looking forward to teaching Sam the skills of barbecuing.  Dad also apologized to Sam for asking to check on the chicken without dad’s help.

Children best learn from their mistakes through a parent’s kind and compassionate guidance. Children benefit the most from compassionate learning experiences.