Over the years, I have learned that I don’t deal very well with disappointment. To often I will blame myself for what happened, withdraw, wonder what is wrong with me, or even experience anxiety.  How does disappointment become such a burden to bear at times?  Many people, sadly, grew up in abusive alcoholic home like the one I learned from.  My dad was a hard working man who provided for our family. When at home he expected life to flow the way he wanted it to be. Each night he slowly unwound drinking beer after beer eventually falling asleep on the couch.  Ever lived in a family with four boys? What level of quiet would you anticipate in the home? It didn’t take long to disrupt dad’s slumber. What was his response: anger, threats and rage.  There were times he was so angry he would leave the house for 2 to 3 hours not telling us where he went. Coming home, he was calm while everyone in the house was stressed.  Heard of the elephant in the room that no one talks about?  That was our household reality.

As I have learned from my own family and those who I’ve seen over the years, there is a travesty of what children in alcoholic and abusive homes go through. No one takes an interest in the emotional welfare of the child. No one is there to listen and understand a child’s voice.  A child is left to cope with disappointment and pain on their own.  Often a child believes they are on their own, they don’t feel safe, or loved. Often a child may end up care taking their parent.  Fast forward 35 years.  The child who grows up to be an adult doesn’t have good coping skills because they were never taught good coping skills by their parents.

Many adults carry on in their homes what they learned from an alcoholic family, don’t talk about what took place, don’t think about what happened, and don’t feel the pain of not being loved. There is hope and that hope is a paradox that contradicts what we’ve learned. What direction should we take? Share your hurts with someone who cares. Express fears and doubts with those who value what you say. Talk about what happened, develop trusting relationships where you can be vulnerable with others who show you grace, compassion, and understanding. Feel the hidden pain of not being loved, voicing your brokenness about painful past issues is risky business. We need others who care for us be it a friend, spouse, pastor or counselor.  If we don’t take risks in letting others know about our lives we will never know that there are those who truly care about us. My greatest hope grows from risking in relationship by telling others about my brokenness and struggles. I have come to know friendship and compassion through these relationships.

Look at the life of Jesus, how he was with those who were cast out, shamed, alone, guilty.  People risked coming to Jesus with experiences of fear and uncertainty.  In their encounter with Jesus he loved and cared for them in ways that brought hope into their lives. Hope will grow when we risk vulnerability in relationship with others.  If you have any questions about what has been shared, contact me.