Like what many young adults do, when their life is disrupted through broken relationships, too often a dreadful and naive decision is made.  What this decision is, will be unique and bonded to one’s story. My dreadful and naive decision, shutting down sadness and dismissing the desires of my heart.  The pain of a broken relationship became trapped in an unattended room of my heart. Ongoing disappointments stemming from years of mishandled hurt and sorrow stemming from family relationships were hidden as well. People everywhere have life experiences which are unattended and hidden.  What is hidden is hidden for a reason.  Our hearts live with disbelief that we are loved and cherished, a disbelief arises stems from the desires of our hearts are left unattended or mishandled.

Looking back, my relationship with Cheryl opened up a door to the desires of my heart.  Being enjoyed, cherished, delighted in, understood, and valued were a daily experience in our time together. These desires also reflect aspects of something I didn’t realize, what Cheryl offered my heart was something I also wanted to know from my father but never knew.  I knew my mom delighted and cared for me.  What I didn’t know yet longed to know in relationship with dad was hidden in my heart.  When my relationship with Cheryl ended, the intense hurt felt inside was losing a relationship with someone I loved and felt loved by. Overwhelmed with intense grief, not knowing what to do with the hurt, I locked the door of the pain and sorrow away in my heart. I also mishandled desires of my heart, saying theses desires “didn’t matter.”

What directions do we take in our dreadful and naive decisions? What did I do?  The paths of sarcasm, anger, dismissing the hurt of others, ignoring how my anger hurt others close to me, ways of relating that supplanted tenderness, kindness, compassion, and love. What followed, an intense pursuit of seeking significance through academic achievement and excellence in sports.  The path of finding love (not giving love) rested on who I thought would love me, or what appeared to be the path of where I could find love.  What  I completely denied for years, the brokenness of my heart and missing what it truly means to be loved and to love others well.  I really didn’t know who I was. My life pursuit was to possess something I needed (significance and love) but didn’t have.

The question that was never asked, “Who am I becoming?”  Who you and I are becoming is where hope is truly born.