Whenever a person moves into the arena of transparency about what one has done or said there is a risk taken and an unanswered question, “will I be loved or will I be judged for what was shared.”  The church I knew from childhood through early adulthood communicated dutiful messages about the Christian walk. Somehow the people in this church believed that a good relationship with Christ meant that you have your life together. If you have personal problems or problems in relationship, there is something wrong in your relationship with God. The solution, pray more often, attend church frequently, have more faith and tithe.  The church believed it was theologically on target and correct in its judgement of other faiths.  The love of God communicated that Jesus cares for us. Yet dutiful christian living was promoted.  If you are dutiful (do what the bible says) life will be good. Well what if  someone messed up? Condemnation or judgement of the wrong done was the norm, followed by biblical prescription as how to right the wrong. Suffering and struggle were not accepted as something good, worthy, listened to or understood. 

Is there another way to address problems in church or in the lives of it members? There is a path of being lovingly disruptive.  Jesus was with a group of Pharisees.  Sitting with these men a prostitute came into the room.  She went to Jesus and started crying on his feet. Following her tears, she dried his feet with her hair. She poured an expensive perfume on his feet.  While this was going on Jesus realized the condemnation and disgust as these men peered toward the woman.  Jesus told these religious leaders a story about forgiveness.  When he was finished with the story he asked them who experienced more forgiveness. Their understanding and their response was accurate, then Jesus said to Simon,”…You gave me no oil for my head, but she has put perfume on my feet. That is why I tell you, Simon, that her sins, many as they are, are forgiven: for she has shown me so much love.  But the man who has little to be forgiven has only a little love to give.” Then Jesus said to her , “Your sins are forgiven…its is your faith that has saved you . Go in peace” Luke 7:36-50.

What did Jesus offer from his heart that was spoken? He offered a lovingly disruptive hope for those who understand their wrongs that bring suffering or shame. Opening up our own heart to what we have done will open up a door of forgiveness and Jesus’s love for us. Those who have many sins that are forgiven will guide them toward love, mercy, and greatfulness.

When we know and experience the forgiveness from Jesus, will we offer those who have wronged us or others with love and forgiveness that Jesus offers us?  The life that Jesus lived reveals what it means to be lovingly disruptive.

Aware of the benefits of performance, sports became an important focus in my life during and after graduating College.  The trio of basketball, softball and flag football filled the time in between work and a life of being newly married.  The skills of speed, good hand-eye coordination, and jumping ability fit well with each of these sports.  My focus, the importance of life grew from intense pursuit of excellence through practice, practice and more practice.  When it came to work, I worked hard and was well-respected by my colleagues. When it came to my marriage, I was absolutely clueless.  I didn’t understand at all what it meant to get to know and understand her. When I got angry at a situation, I would see her cry. What was I to do with her tears?  I did nothing. Sadly to say,once the tears were over, I thought our relationship was good and  life was okay.  I didn’t realize the help I needed from others.  Without realizing the direction I was headed, I pretended that my life was good and that I had a good marriage.  Never once did I ask my wife how she viewed our relationship. For the next 7 years the pretending continued,  coupled with performance and hard work. Episodic outbursts of anger and ignoring how my anger impacted the relationship continued. Unexpectedly one morning the first words spoken to me by her, “I don’t love you any more.”  I attempted to fix the relationship instead of understanding her heart and what brought her to a place of despair.  Clueless about what happened, I prayed that God would change her mind, I knew that God didn’t want us to go through a divorce. After 2 years of appeals and efforts to repair the marriage, our relationship ended in a painful divorce.

Fast forward 3 years.  One morning while journaling something unusual happened. I became very aware of the ways that I had hurt her.  For the first time in my life I cried over the unspoken hurt that she incurred through my anger and displeasure.  A few weeks later I called to talk with my daughter, her mom answered the phone. I asked if she had a moment and she did.  I told her about what I learned while journaling and the hurt I caused.  I told her that I didn’t love her very well.  She responded by saying, “I have something to tell you, I didn’t love you very well at all either.” I was surprised by her kind confession.

This was the first time in my life offering transparency about the brokenness in our relationship.  Openness and honesty about our own failings opens the door for healing in broken relationships. We want to bring hope by acknowledging what we do and say and its impact upon others.  Healthy transparency takes great courage for there is no guarantee that there will be a good response to our confession. Nonetheless take the road of hope through transparent confession. “Confess your sins to one another that you may be healed.” James 5:16 Read the Rest…