It was a warm and calm summer day with the barbecue turning a plump chicken on the rotisserie . Family from Texas were visiting.  That afternoon seemed to be peaceful. Being around children is always filled adventure and uncertainty in what they might do next that might disrupt their parents world. That afternoon which seemed so peaceful would soon disrupt a parent’s world. The oldest boy in the family just turned 8.  His dad asked the boy to check to see if the briquettes in the barbecue where hot. Going outside the boy used his hand to check the heat rising from the partially white charcoal.  Some how knowing the heat wasn’t hot enough to cook the chicken, instead of going back into the house to tell his dad, the boy thought he would be helpful by doing what he watched his dad do before.  Picking up a container of lighter fluid and aiming the nozzle at the briquettes, the boy sprayed the charcoal and parts of the chicken as it turned.

When children get into something, they often lose track of time.  Parents often grow curios during periods of time embracing a child’s silence.  This was true of the boy’s father.  Dad stepped out the back door just in time to see what his son was doing. When kids get caught doing something they were told what not do is to deny they did anything wrong. This father understood this about his son. When the boy saw his dad, the boy responded with an almost paralyzed silent stance. This father knew that he’d responded in anger to his son before.  Dad wanted this time to be different, sitting down on the bottom cement step, he reached out taking his son’s hand and asked “are you afraid that I am angry with you.”  Without saying anything the boy moved his head up and down agreeing with dad’s question.  The father started to cry telling his son thank you for telling me about how you feel. He asked the boy for a hug and as the boy came to his dad the boy started to cry as he said, “I’m sorry daddy.” The father gently embraced his son as he gently spoke words of comfort, “I love you so much, I am proud of you, you didn’t do anything wrong. You meant to help.  Let us work together on what we need to do to heat up those briquettes and cook that chicken for dinner. Do you want to help me with this?” The boy stepped back from the hug with a relaxed smile told his dad an enthusiastic “yes”.