Proverbs 20:5 says, “The plans of a man’s heart are like deep waters.  It takes a person of understanding to draw them out.”  John Gottman, from the University of Washington, wrote a book called, “Parenting the Heart of your child, Raising Children with Emotional Intelligence.”  The focus of his book is to help parents connect in meaningful ways with children by showing them we want to understand their emotional expressions. What happens when we are faced with what we perceive as negative emotions? Many people see expressed anger or frustration as negative.  Sadness is often dismissed or responded to by wanting to make someone sad feel better. Learning how to deal with a child’s emotional outbursts is not easy, yet is vitally important.  Children need our help to guide them through difficult times via understanding and compassion.  The plans of our children’s hearts are like deep waters, they need parents of understanding to draw out what is going on within their hearts.

Dr. Gottman’s book focuses on  the development of  emotional intelligence. The book is practical and has many stories that illuminate the different ways people react to their child’s crisis or struggle. Gottman believes emotional intellegence starts through understanding a child by being attentive to and understanding of what emotions arise in our children.  Then helping our children see what their emotional expression is and how their emotional reaction is connected to experiential disappointment.

Adults benefit from knowing what Proverbs. 20:5 speaks to, we need people of understanding in each of  each of our lives who want to understand what is going on in our hearts.

A good marriage foundation is laid when couples offer each other compassion and understanding.  When couples offer emotional intelligence to each other, another foundation is laid, how to work through disappointments in healthy ways.  More on this later.