A young man started crying, he hid his face with both hands covering his face.  Asking about his sadness he shared about a good friend of his who moved out of the state.  He shared about his friend and what they enjoyed doing together.  They enjoyed hiking, playing basketball and talking about their friendship.  This young man was asked about what he enjoyed about his friend, he responded “He was interested, in what mattered to me.  He delighted in me, we listened to each other.  We were great friends who enjoyed time together laughing.”  He tears reflected a deep thankfulness for his friend.

Another question was asked, “Tell me about your relationship with your father.”  After hesitating for a few minutes, he said, “My dad was never involved in my life.  He was too busy working to provide for our family. He was kind, yet he never took any time to spend with me.”  When asked what he wanted to know from his father, he paused once more, pondering.  His eyes lit up, as if there was some clarity as he responded “I wanted to have a relationship with my father that I had with my friend.”

This young man realized that the relationship with his friend, reflected the longings he never knew from his father.  This man’s tears represented a grief about missing his friend and grieving what was missing in his father’s relationship.

The Heart of  a  Man   What do we have in common with other men?  To answer this question is as diverse as the varied interests and gifts each man possesses.  Our culture places an emphasis upon man’s identity through being valued through looks and performance.  Is there more to who we are that is misunderstood by our culture?

While performance is emphasized in a man’s life , there is a bigger picture of a man’s life and heart which needs to be understood. Each boy comes into this world with unique gifts and characteristics.  These gifts and character are revealed in subtle ways seen through a boy’s development through infancy and childhood and adolescence.

What role does a father have in the journey his son takes?  Fathers who communicates to their sons through a nurturing involvement speaks, “You are my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased”   When a boy knows he is loved by his father, a boy is experiencing hope.  A father communicates to his son, “You have what is takes to be a man,” creates a vision for his son.

The primary ways a father communicates these messages is through the world of initiation. When a father initiates a relationship offering  care, interest, patience, understanding, and sharing his story will speak,  ” I care about who you are and you matter to me”.  In contrast, when a father initiates relationship involving anger, neglect, impatience, disinterest, or abandonment will influence creating doubt, guilt, fear, and shame in his boy’s heart.  When a boy doubts that he is loved he will wonder, “what’s wrong with me.”

What kind of relationship did our father’s initiate with us, “Does my father love me, is he please with me,  do I have what it takes to be a man?” How these questions are answered shapes how a boy lives out his life.